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Friday, 30 November 2012

Satan is here on Earth and he is Simon Cowell!!!

The Fortean Chronicle is this month reporting that TV's Simon Cowell is actually Satan in disguise, and that the annoying git who destroyed the music industry, is about to make plans to bring the world to its knees.

Sounds like the typical kind of nonsense found every month in the Fortean magazine, but after listening to One Direction I think there may actually be something in these bizarre claims about Simon Cowell.

And some of what the magazine says makes a weird kind of sense - for instance since Cowell rose to prominence we have seen unprecedented levels of terrorism, environmental disasters and even worse recent years have seen both Jedward and Noel Edmonds returning to TV.

When you think of giant faceless corporations destroying the world, you might think of Nike forcing young Asian children to make flip-flops with just a needle and thread or McDonalds destroying lots of trees in Brazil, but then there's Simon Cowell who does take evil to an entire new level. Not only has he taken all surprise from the Christmas music charts, but now some of his sins are refusing to fade away into oblivion once the show is over. One Direction are everywhere and not so long back Leona Lewis had a number 1 song about, we think, periods! Bleeding Love was a terrible song.

Cowell also has no taste and I myself once  auditioned for Britain's Got Talent when it visited Cardiff. But, shockingly, I was turned down. That's right, my signature 'balancing a Mars Bar on my head for ten minutes' failed to impress Simon Cowell.

.Cowell called my act unoriginal, saying,  "Sorry, but Osama Bin Laden's had a Bounty on his head for  years."

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