Fifty Shades of Chaos

Universal and Focus have an headache regarding the forthcoming movie version of Mommy porn epic, Fifty Shades of Grey now that they have lost their star Charlie Hunnam. The actor's departure is said to be because the shoot would clash with his schedule on Sons of Anarchy but rumours are that Hunman wasn't at all happy with the way the script had been developed.

Scene 3

Christian Grey: Hi I'm a super rich dominant male. Wanna fuck?

Anastasia: Um er cool.

Christian Grey: OK. I'll get the nipple clamps


Dakota Johnson is still on board to play Anastasia but the search is now on for a new Christian Grey

Paul McCartney - New

Paul McCartney's last album of original material, Memory Almost Full had some mighty fine moments but it was something of a backward step after the originality of  the excellent Chaos and Creation in the Backyard. Well who would have thought it but Macca, always the most creatively restless Beatle, now delivers an album that is without a doubt the equal to Chaos. It's up there with the best Macca and as the enlightened people know the best Macca is mighty fine indeed.

The album kicks off with a rocker that could have come from Macca's mid-Wings period, it's got those gorgeous harmonies. The song is called Save Us - keep on sending your love, in the heat of battle we've got something that will save us - is a great album opener and is up-tempo with some catchy hooks running through it.

Alligator follows - I want someone to come home to, I need somewhere I can sleep, I need a place where I can rest my weary bones and have a conversation not too deep - and is a mid-tempo tune that sees the Macca knocking his many detractors. The song changes temp in the middle eight and becomes very Beatlish. Everybody else is busy doing better than me, Paul wails and you know what that's just not the case. Well not any more.

On my way to work - typical McCartney that sounds like something from the early 1970's and is a great track in which the Macca looks back at his early days. The song also features some of the great man;s best lyrics, Lines like - on my way to work I bought a magazine, inside a pretty girl liked to water-ski, she came from Chichester to study history, she liked to remove her clothes for me - flow seamlessly around the laid back vibe. On first listen I found this track to be a stand-out and no doubt it will become a classic.

He may look like Stan Laurel these days but the Macca still rocks

Queenie Eye, the fourth track, rocks using chants from childhood games the Macca creates an instant singalong anthem that will, no doubt, become a favourite of his live shows. This is a song that will have stadiums full of dudes and dudettes punching the air and head banging to the rhythm. Infectious shit, dude.

A country sounding guitar kicks off Early Days in which Macca once again sticks up two fingers to those who denied his massive contribution to the Beatles - I lived through those early days. This song could fit nicely onto Chaos and Creation, it's got that sound. Again an excellent track.

Then we have the title track which was also the lead single. New is a catchy piece of fluff which, I think is the weakest thing on the album. Mind you it's not a weak song by any means. It's just that the rest of the album is so damn strong. I like New but it's not as kick arse as the other songs on the album - though it's getting tons of radio play and, I guess, that's what a lead single is supposed to do. It's as commercial as hell and as catchy as the best McCartney pop.

Appreciate is something of an experimental piece but I think this track will grow on listeners. I've heard it maybe half a dozen times and like it more and more each time. The Macca's vocal is for the most part buried back in the mix and the track is led by a drum and bass rhythm. Maybe the most Fireman sounding track on the album.

And then we get Everybody Out There, a song that will make you cream with orgasmic pleasure. This is truly an excellent song in which Macca sounds very much like Beatle Paul and that's that Paul we all love the best. There for the grace of God goes you...and I. Again this track is something of an anthem and is another that will work well live. Check out the live performance below.

Hosanna comes up next and we're almost through the album now and there's not been a bad track and this song is no exception. It's a slow piece that gradually builds to a rich soundscape. It's a love song but it's certainly not a silly love song. There's also a stunning sounding Beatley section that could have come from the Magical Mystery era.

And we're rocking again for the excellent, I can Bet - another brilliant up tempo song that ticks all the right boxes. I think this song is another that could have come from Wings best period. Brilliant, rocking and awesome.


Looking at Her is a lush sounding track with a superb vocal performance from the Macca that makes him sound twenty years younger than he truly is. It's a brilliant catchy song that could do well as a single. It's certainly far more substantial than the title track.

Road is the final track on the basic album - there are several deluxe version with more tracks and maybe even in these too commercial times a super duper deluxe edition - and the track sees McCartney looking back at his Beatle days. We came from nowhere, hiding from the storm, we came together, to keep each other warm. I got a feeling it's gonna be alright. McCartney seems to be reflecting on the long road he's travelled and you know what many of us have been with him every step of the way.

New then is an excellent album with no filler at all and shows just what McCartney is capable of when he puts his mind to it. Is there anyone else in rock/pop music that can match him? There aren't many and on past achievements along McCartney stands head and shoulders above all others, and it's good to see him pushing the envelope once again.

Paul McCartney - nobody does it better.

Tainted Stats

Weekly Stats Report: 7 Oct - 13 Oct 2013 
Project: THE TAINTED ARCHIVE
URL: http://tainted-archive.blogspot.com/

Summary

	Mon	Tues	Wed	Thur	Fri	Sat	Sun	Total	Avg
Pageloads	177	155	156	153	126	182	161	1,110	159
Unique Visits	135	131	129	136	101	162	136	930	133
First Time Visits	124	124	120	128	91	148	124	859	123
Returning Visits	11	7	9	8	10	14	12	71	10

NYMPHOMANIAC

The character posters for Lars Von Trier's Nymphomaniac depict its stars in the throes of ecstasy – but which of them is pulling off the most convincing O face?

Missing Doctor Who episodes found

Great news.

Nine missing episodes of 1960s Doctor Who have been found at a TV station in Nigeria, including most of the classic story The Web of Fear.

The black and white story sees Patrick Troughton's second Doctor battle robot yeti in the London Underground.

Also recovered is a complete version of Troughton's six-part story The Enemy of the World.

It is thought to be the largest haul of missing episodes recovered in the last three decades.

Solo William Boyd

I think the Ian Fleming copyright holders should get William Boyd to pen another James Bond novel since Solo is a far more satisfactory Bond novel than both Devil May Care and Carte Blanche. I think what William Boyd's done here is to completely engross himself in the larger than life world Ian Fleming created in a way that the writers of the previous two Bond novels didn't. He doesn't go for realism, understanding that Bond can never be realistic and instead treats Bond as a superhero in a tux.

Boyd's Bond is very much Fleming's Bond - a carnal, chain smoking, action man. This is a Bond who can't talk to a woman without his eyes falling to the small nippled breasts or the bra-busting bouncers. In an early segment of the book Bond breaks into a woman's house and watches her undress. It's all good unclean fun and by the time the story starts proper I was completely sucked into the world of Bond in a way I have not been for a great many Bond novels. It helps, of course, that Boyd sets his novel in 1969 when Bond is 45 and ageing quite disgracefully. We don't need Bond updated for our overly sensitive times, nor do we want him to treat women as equals. The man Fleming created was a chauvinistic bastard and so too is the Bond that Boyd successfully recreates.

Bond admired the small-nippled breasts of the girl on the next table, clearly visible through the transparent gauze of her blouse. There was something to be said for modern fashions after all.

The plot concerns the fictional African country of Zanzarim which is in the midst of a terrible civil war and Bond is sent over with the task of bringing the war to an end. It is here that the book does tend to get a bit bogged down as Bond posing as a journalist, but after a terrific jungle scene things start to pick up again and there is a massive shock around the mid-way point. The latter section of the novel is set in America where Bond goes rogue, or solo as the book would have it, in order to exact vengeance for his near death at the hands of a double crossing bitch. There are more twists to come and Felix Leiter pops up towards the end of the book and helps Bond put everything in order.

There were several nice touches in the book - Bond bumping into an old school friend  and then naming many of his classmates for one and also the recipe for James Bond's salad dressing is painfully detailed. These may seem like minor points but they do add colour to the book, and make Bond seem real in a way that he hasn't for a great many years.

Overall then Solo is a success and the Bond here owes much more to the literary character than the cinematic one. This guy is nasty and even makes Daniel Craig looks like a pussy, and thankfully he does it all with so much style.

Writing Class Hero

It is an odd truism but a truism nonetheless that the best art is often hidden away, known only by an enlightened few - such is the case with Radio 4's Ed Reardon's Week.

 The painfully honest sitcom is presented in a semi documentary style and concentrates on 50 something struggling author Ed Reardon - described in the press material as   "author, pipesmoker, consummate fare-dodger and master of the abusive email".  Much is often made of the fact that Reardon once sold a script to the BBC for Tenko which provides him with his only guaranteed income and that's only about £17 per annum. Our hero often adds to his income by getting paid £10 for making up the numbers in police identity parades.

The writers are Chris Douglas and Andrew Nickolds and the show is currently up to eight seasons with no sign of running out of steam. Indeed as the time's gone on the listener gets to know Ed better and finds real affection for the character as well as the cat, Elgar who is his only constant companion. The humour is mostly subtle but can often be laugh out loud funny - that's LOL for the Internet generation.

I's a big fan of radio, especially Radio Four and it's digital sister, Radio Four Extra and listen to a lot of drama, comedy and factual programs. And in my opinion, for what it's worth, is that Ed Reardon's Week is the best use of the radio medium for comedy since the original Alan Partridge show, Knowing Me, Knowing You. And whilst Partridge made a successful transition to TV Ed Reardon remains hidden away on the radio and perhaps this is where he truly belongs. The visuals are better that way.

If you like well written, well acted, superbly observational comedy than you really need to check out Ed Readon's Week.