Tory Party rocked by MP performing Oral on a cow

The Conservative Party is being rocked to its core after the latest sex scandal hits the government -  MP Nadine Dorries is at the centre of the latest thorn in David (don't I look like an auton) Cameron's side after it was revealed that Nadine Dorries spent a week in a jungle while she indulged in all manner of depraved activities such as eating a camel's toe, an ostrich's anus and some cattle genitals.


Conjoined twins Ant and Dec who witnessed the entire shameful excesses of the MP with a taste for bestiality spoke to the Archive from their gay club in Byker Grove and commented that - "It takes all sorts to make a world."

However one elderly lady with a shopping trolley spoke to us from the streets of Mid Bedfordshire where  the disgraced MP served - "I voted for her and I couldn't believe it when I saw her sucking on a cow's testicle. It's a disgrace my pensions been cut and I can't even afford bread and dripping but Ms high and mighty can go jetting off around the world and sucking on any tropical doo-dah she fancies."

Both the Conservative party and Nadine herself failed to respond to the Archive's emails for a comment, nor did they answer the abuse we left on the message boards.